Hey guys, this post is just gonna be me rambling about everything that's bothering me right now and stuff that i just need to get out of my head. It's gonna be pretty boring so, don't read on if you don't want to.
I'm tired, i'm physically and mentally tired... I already finished everything at college, but i still need to worry about stupid deadlines that keep getting in the way of my job schedulr! And the worst part is that I'M the one they see as irresponsable when i have to ask for a second fricking day off to complete what i tried to do the first time, but, as ALWAYS, it can't be done when u plan it... Ugh, i hate this...
In the mean time, when i want to take my mind off all the problems, running around, and everything else, i can't. Why? Because coming home is not a relief (and i thought this stage was over for good), it's a pain in the a$&@$!! Everything's a mess, everything is dirty, the dishes are filthy, the cat peed all over and the other 2 members of the household are laying back, watching tv or just doing nothing! It's a freaking dump and they don't even care!!!! Why the hell do i have to be the mom around here???? I'm 23 years old for Christ's sake!! I spend all day long studying (well, not anymore) or working!!! I can't come home tired as always, with a backpain that's killing me right now, to go ahead and do the dishes!! Specially when one of the other 2 members spent all day here!!! Doing NOTHING! It's completely exasperating! I want to scream so bad... And yet i don't... I just can't wtand up for myself and tell them how i feel... I can't do that anymore and it's frustating... I don't know what happened to me... Oh and of course, if that's not enough, i have a huge pressure on to find a new job, preferably out of my native country/.. But that involves sooooo much planning and thinking and research and sacrifice... I just wish it could happen easier, smoothly and without having to drain what's left of my daily energy to make it happen... I just want to leave, i don't want to think about whT that incolves... And yes, i know, everyone has problems, probably bigger or more important than mine, but come on... That doesn't mean that i don't think mines are a big deal to ME.
Anyways, i think i can sleep now... Even though tomorrow those thoughts are gonna hunt me from the moment i wake up until i start keeping them in mind again... I hate those thoughts, they don't understand how i need to mentally rest from hem for.a few hours or even a whole day, just to recover.. No, i don't know what i'm saying anymore... Oh, right, i forgot one of the biggest problems... THE F@$&@$ GREASE BALL!!!!! but i think that will be a new different topic... It goes a long way back and i'm talking randomly right now so yeah... Good night, see you soon and thanks for listening :)
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